7 Times Taylor Swift Has Embarrassed Her Ex-Boyfriends
Love her or hate her, right now it’s all about Taylor Swift. The 24-year-old pop star is on top of her game, releasing her new album to a whopping 1.287 million sales in its first week. Of course, with any new Taylor album comes a new list of songs devoted to ex-flames, and while this album is a bit of a departure from her past material, it’s still inspired us to go down memory lane. So to celebrate the success of 1989, and T. Swift’s ability to “shake it off” when love goes awry, here are her most famous songs written about past relationships.
Brandon Borello – “Tim McGraw”
Brandon Borello may not be a celebrity, but he was thrust into the limelight briefly when this song, appearing on Taylor’s debut album, became a hit. The song is about he and Tay Tay’s high school relationship, which ended when Brandon went to college. While the song itself wasn’t embarrassing, the fact that Brandon had a girlfriend when it came out certainly caused some riffs in their relationship. Thanks a lot, Taylor.
Joe Jonas – “Forever and Always”
OK, let me get this straight: you date a guy who wears a promise ring indicating he won’t have sex until marriage, and–according to this tune–looks into your eyes to spout cliches like “I’ll be with you forever and always.” Yet you’re surprised he’s cowardly enough to dump you over the phone? He’s clearly been watching too much Disney Channel.
Taylor Lautner – “Back to December”
After a string of bad relationships, you have to wonder if Taylor S. regrets not staying with Taylor L., who apparently was super into her. She wrote “Back to December” as an apology for breaking his heart, which is likely super embarrassing to Taylor L. as he is essentially being exposed to the world as being the only person to ever get dumped by Taylor S. Ugh, too many Taylors.
John Mayer – “Dear John”
“Dear John, you are a douche,” is basically what Taylor is saying in this song. She paints him like an emotional terrorist, which we kinda can totally see: “All the girls that you’ve run dry have tired, lifeless eyes / ‘Cause you’ve burn them out.” Ironic that John would leave girls with lifeless eyes, when his face constantly looks like he’s approaching climax.
Jake Gyllenhaal – “The Moment I Knew”
Perhaps the most salacious of all of Taylor’s relationships, the rumor goes that Taylor gave up her v-card to Jake (who can blame her?), and he instantly turned cold on her, with the final straw being that he never showed up to her 21st birthday party. “What do you say when tears are streaming down your face in front of everyone you know? / And what do you do when the one who means the most to you is the one who didn’t show?” You write a song about it, obvi.
Harry Styles – “Out of the Woods”
Off of Swifty’s latest album, “Out of the Woods” chronicles a relationship riddled with anxiety and destined for failure, which Taylor has previously admitted was the case in her and Styles’ relationship. What do you expect when you’re dating a teen heartthrob? This is one of many songs written about Styles, the most famous being “I Knew You Were Trouble.”
Connor Kennedy – “Begin Again”
This song was written in response to Taylor’s breakup with Jake, and what it was like when she first met Connor: “And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid / I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny ’cause he never did / I’ve been spending the last eight months / Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end.” Well, he was probably laughing like a little kid because he was a little kid, but that’s besides the point. This song is embarrassing because their relationship eventually did break and burn and end, pretty quickly in fact. For the best, Taylor. Don’t you know that Kennedy’s are cursed?