The 8 Types of People to Avoid at Music Festivals
Most people at festivals are awesome, but some people are not. Read on and find out how to avoid the latter.
You can smell a wook from a mile away. Because they’re smelly. And because they are the quintessential person to avoid at a festival. They’re the folks who give hippies a bad name: “Hey can I bum a butt?” “Got any extra beers?” “Hey, uhh, anybody driving my way home? I’m lost and I can’t find any of my friends.” Psst… you have no friends.
2. The Person Who Won’t Leave Your Campsite
You were just trying to buy a bag of weed, and now you have a new best friend. Meeting people at a festival is great and all, but this person is sketchy AF. You want to kick them out, but you fear they’ll come to your spot later and steal all your beer.
3. The “Wake Up and Rage!!!” Guy
I don’t to wake up and rage, it’s 7 o’clock and I’m just getting to bed. Isn’t that good enough?! Instead of going to sleep like all the other “normal” people, this person will try to make you think you haven’t partied hard enough in an effort to feel less like a drug addict. And then they will wake everybody up with their incessant howling.
Not to be confused with a Rastafarian, this person will pretend to be a hippie just trying to make it work on the road, but will actually be supported by their rich parents living in a cushy mansion on the beach. How else would they be able to afford their wire-wrapped jewelry, heady new flat-brim, and VIP camping ticket? Stop trying to sell people fake drugs and go back to mom and dad.
5. The Free Hugs Guy
The “free hugs” thing wasn’t cool when Judah Friedlander did it in the 2001 Dave Matthew’s Band video for “Everyday,” and it’s not cool now. Especially when the person requesting said hug is smelly and sweaty. Uhhh, thanks but no thanks.
6. People in Costumes
Whenever I see people in dopey costumes at festivals, I always wonder what was going through the person’s mind when they left the house that day. I imagine the conversation going something like this: “Bro I almost forgot! I needa’ bust out my life size rabbit costume for this weekend! Gonna’ get all Donnie Darko on these bitches! Rage!” (Photo courtesy DigBoston via Flickr.)
7. The Pregnant Chick
WHY ARE YOU HERE?!
8. The Person Who Took Too Much
It’s Friday afternoon and everybody is just arriving at the festival. This guy is already laid out on a stretcher. C’mon dude, at least wait until it’s dark out.